A Little of This, and a Little of That

It has been an interesting week.  After weeks of stress and long working hours, things are beginning to slow down a little.  Still much work to be done, but a little more time to get it done in.  Unfortunately, I must be sedentary to get it done, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

I have struggled to remain on plan most of the last few weeks, and haven’t always been successful.  There have been trips to fast food resteraunts, where I’ve not eaten entirely paleo, but did manage to stay grain free which is a huge part of this battle for me.  I went to my favorite bistro one day, a quaint little place that offers gluten free breads and wraps, and fresh, homeade soups.  Unfortunately, they goofed and gave me regular bread on my grilled ham and cheese, and it left me feeling sick for 3 days.  I’m just now returning to normal.  The headache was a little more persistent than usual, and really brought me down.

At least, I think that is what it was.  In March I underwent a partial hysterectomy.  And I’m so very glad I did.  No more anemia, quite a bit more energy, and I can wear white pants for the first time in my life!  On the downside, since I was never very regular to begin with, and I still have my ovaries, I am beginning to realize that I still have some PMS symptoms:  The food cravings, and most of all, the sudden need to cry myself silly for a day. What’s difficult about that is that now I never know when to expect it, so when it hits me it is difficult to know if I’m truly depressed, or if I can just expect to feel normal again tomorrow.  I suppose it doesn’t really matter.  After a day of misery and self loathing, I WILL wake up the next day and I’ll know then.  Thankfully, this morning I woke up my usual self.  Strong, determined and ready to conquer the day.

I have been hovering between 280 and 285 for over a  month.  It’s been frustrating, and every other attempt, I would have started sliding back into my old ways.  Not this time.  I may not have been on point at every meal, not always paleo, but always gluten free (by choice anyway.)   This morning I stepped on the scale and was happy to see a 279.2.  May that trend continue!

And there have been several non-scale  victories.  This week I played raquetball twice.  It was awesome, and felt so good to use my body in an agressive fashion!  It’s been a long time, and I liked it!

Even better, BEFORE I played, I realized I was able to raise my foot onto the opposite knee (to put on my socks and shoes, and TIE my shoes )  without having to grab my foot and PULL it onto my knee!!!  I just put it up there, pretty as you please!  I sat there stunned for a moment, just staring at my independent foot in wonder.  Now for anyone who has never had the pleasure of having to wrestle with their body to get shoes and socks on, this may sound strange.  Why do you think I have been wearing slip on shoes for the better part of 5 years?  The effort it took to lean over and grab my foot, while my abdominal organs were being forced upward into my chest cavity by my lap, was traumatic. First you feel all the blood rushing to your face, then the air being pushed out of your lungs to make way for everything below to take up residence where the air should have been.  I had to suffocate myself anytime I wanted to wear shoes!

And thus the woman who wore only slide on shoes was born.  I must admit, I am not the least bit sad to see her go.  Step one, wear normal shoes!  I’m hoping someday I will even get to wear heels again!

I spend a good part of today planning a weekend getaway for next weekend. It’s been a while since I just escaped with a friend and no kids.  It’s been a long time since I’ve done anything that didn’t involve work in some fashion.  So next week, Ashley and I are headed to Eureka Springs, Arkansas!  And for once, the plan isn’t to spend a bunch of money (just half that lol).  Instead we are making it an active weekend.  Friday night, dinner and dancing is on the agenda, Saturday we will be hiking the Blue Springs trails… AND taking pictures of the botanical gardens.  A little shoppin and relaxation in the afternoon, then dinner and some more dancing in the evening.  Sunday we will head out for Buffalo River and do some more hiking (and picture taking)  I’m excited!

I hope you are all finding ways to be not only active but having fun while you do it!


Back on Track!

Fajita Salad
Fajita Salad

True to form, I have been off plan for the past couple of weeks.  and it’s been a CRAZY two weeks.  But things are finally starting to slow down, and I was able to FINALLY get back on track, effective today!

I know what your thinking.  “More excuses.”  A reasonable thought.  I know if you want it bad enough you are going to get it done.  And I DO really want it.  I want ALOT of things, and sometimes everything converges together and I have to choose one.  Family, photography, work, sleep, or weight loss.

As a single mother, not working is not an option, and per usual, when things in one area of my life go crazy, they ALL do!  For the first time in a while I’ve had more than 40 hrs worth of work to get done in LESS than 40 hours.  At the same time,  ‘my on the side’ photography business went wild.  Baseball/softball/tball season  is one of my busiest times anyway, but this year the months worth of work had to be crammed into 2 weeks because half of the season was rained out!  And I had requests from twice the number of teams that I did last year!  (I couldn’t possibly say no, when I’m trying to build this burgeoning little business.)

In the last 2 weeks I haven’t slept more than 4 hours a night, trying to process thousands of pictures, all the while, my computer has been acting up and taking 4-5 times as long to complete tasks.  I’m surprised I have any HAIR left, and I haven’t yanked it out in frustration.

Which brings us to today.  I finally crawled into bed at 630 this morning and slept a full 5 hours. Woohoo.  When I woke up I got back to work, but instead of continuing to fight with the computer, I focused on fixing whatever was causing the problem.  By 5pm I’d made a bit of progress, but I needed a break. What better time to plan a menu for the week and go grocery shopping, right?  And thats what I did.  Then I came home and COOKED!  For the first time in weeks!  Todays picture (above) was my plate just before I finally got to eat, since I’d forgotten all day, unless you count a handful of blackberries for lunch.

For me, in order to be successful, I have to go by the KISS philosophy.  “Keep It Simple, Stupid.”  So I fired up the castiron skillet and fried up some beef fajitas (with bell pepper, onion, mushrooms, butter, chili powder and garlic.)  I served mine over a bed of lettuce and made my own dressing by simply mixing salsa and sour cream together.  Yum.  And so easy.  A little homemade guacamole on some black bean tortilla chips.  And wallah!  I’m a happy girl.

While I was at it, I boiled up some eggs for a quick, on the go, breakfast, and packed some leftovers for lunch tomorrow at the office.  In the morning I will start my crock pot and we will have some BBQ pulled pork, coleslaw, and BBQ beans.

Now I realize this is not strictly paleo, but I’m not beating myself up for it.  And that makes me a winner. Because I’m moving in the right direction, and accepting of my limitations now.  I’m just so glad that I have finally figured out that life is not black and white, win or lose, succeed or fail.  There’s a lot of gray in there.  And if you beat yourself up every time you aren’t perfect, you are just setting yourself up for more failure in the future.

Love yourself, do your best, and own it all. The victories AND the challenges.  And know that it is all part of this amazing journey.  I hope you are all had a blessed day!